Melanie couldn't sleep so good last night. That meant, I couldn't. She woke me up three times. I can't sleep. I'm still the only one who didn't get the stomach virus and have been gingerly dancing around that not eating full spicy meals and trying to take extra care.
But apparently my old dictum of "unless your hair is on fire, do not wake me up," has fizzled these days. Sick is one thing, I'm there in a heartbeat, but just I can't sleep -- what do I do with that? I'm a former insomniac who's spent many a sleepless night both as a kid and an adult. Been there, try to avoid it.
"Put your light on and read a little," I loud whispered out the door because I'm trapped. If I get up, the dog is up. It was only 3:00 am. Ain't no sane number to get up now. Daisy has been Cujo, again lately biting and tear-assing through the house. The only peace we get is that crate overnight which she whimpers and all out barks to get out of during the day now and in a bold weaning move, the crate's been evicted from our bedroom into the hallway. You see the problem. The minute someone's up, she's up.
I feel like I have no life. Between kids on three different sports, preparing for the spring concert, freelance hoofing for every job, trying to put together a website where money is going out at this juncture and not coming in, Tom working at home questioning my every move: I'm going crazy. I haven't played the guitar in weeks or written fiction or had a moment's break. And it rolls around in my head, I should just go out and get a real job. I'm piecing together patches of a life and not striving in any one given place. Can I ever get time to do one thing and focus? My parents did. My father worked, never cooked, never dealt with my school stuff other than an occasional teacher conference. Mom was much younger having kids so by my age, she focused on work and I dealt with my own stuff. By my early teenage years, I was independent but living with them. Motherhood today is insane. I'm expected to do it all!!! What about my dreams? What happened to all those things I wanted to do? and what do I teach my daughters by being frazzled and incompetent. Life sucks!
I rolled over tossing and turning, trying successfully not to wake up Tom. Finally 5:30 after much clock ticking and problem solving and bitching in my head, I got up let the dog out, "Go pee where ever you want, Daisy cakes," sat here and vented.
Gonna be a good day!
Later....
Melanie stayed home, again. Maybe it's this flu thing. We'll be schlepping her to buy a new Honda Odyssey mini-van that we've put off every day this week due to one illness or another. Life goes on... a million miles a minute. Tonight's the spring concert!!! Need black pants for Robert.
Later still...
Kid, here's a bucket. Melanie, holding onto the blue garbage pail, went on the adventure with us to finally, finally get the new 2009 Honda Odyssey.
even later...
We all survived a gruelingly long day. The spring concert was a smash hit. Robert wore a cool black tie I'd bought from ALL Music. It was black with sheet music and a giant upright bass silk screened on it. Finally not a Sears clip-on or Daddy's too big substitute.
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