Baked beer bread from Tastefully Simple -- just a bottle of Killian's Red, mix, stir--bake. Yum. The smell is sweet, bakery fresh; warming on a cold day. The kids are playing in the snow. Daisy, our golden retriever/spaniel/Irish setter mutt is having a ball frolicking in and out of snow drifts.
I'd say we got about 14 inches on Long Island. I watch from the living room bay window as they dig a white tunnel and are writhing in and out of the mounds of snow. I don't remember the last time we had a blizzard. Well we had a lot of snow last March, but this seems like more.
Today was tough. I spent a debilitating hour in bed. Where am I going and what am I doing? Tom's still freelancing thank God but nothing permanent, yet. Do I go back to work? I am not ready for full time workload. I hated when my mother went back to work and I became a latchkey kid coming home from Jr. High, the most hormone whirlwind, identity-forming emotional time of life and I opened the door myself to an empty house and dealt with life and my issues alone. Is it unfair that my mom should have had a life outside of motherhood, too? Sure. Is it unfair that I also want to dress nicely and converse with adults and make some REAL money and have a life outside, too? Sure. But, I'm not ready. I don't want to abandon my kids yet. Isn't that the point and why I wanted to be a mom? To be here for them and guide them through life? I'm in a major transformation lately, re-evaluating just about everything in my life from unhealthy relationships to my priorities. I'm going through some kind of major shift in thinking about who I really am and what do I really want out of life.
I eat beer bread and sip jasmine green tea. The beer bread ran out quickly while our daughters' friend is over. Daisy came in with snow balls crusted all over her fur. I lay my warm hands on her legs to melt the ice.
No comments:
Post a Comment